Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Feeling Fortunate...

I'm feeling pretty fortunate tonight.  I'm not particularly sure why so much tonight.  I guess it's been a night of reflection and fun.  I went out with some friends tonight and there wasn't anything special about the night.  It was just really great.  Elijah went with us and two of his friends met us for dinner. We all talked and laughed and told funny stories.  I realized while we were eating that it won't be long and impromptu dinners with Elijah won't be happening.  Someone told me today that these next few weeks will be filled with times of sadness.  I didn't feel that tonight.  As I thought about it I had my own little celebration in my head for all that he has become.  On Sunday he will officially be an adult.  That's crazy, right?  Eighteen?  How could he already be eighteen?  It doesn't seem possible, except it does!  It's what we've been preparing him for all these years.  We've taught him how to be responsible, how to care for himself, how to earn money and pay bills.  We've taught him how to make wise decisions and how to have respect for the things he has and how to strive for the things he wants.  Yesterday he received a letter saying he received a Guy Harvey Endowment.  He received a President's Scholarship, a Dean's Scholarship and an Honor's Scholarship.  Does it sound like I'm bragging?  Of course I am!  I'm proud of him.  We gave him a stable foundation and planted a desire to learn in him and it has paid off.  He has built from that foundation an earned everything he is receiving.  We can't take credit for it!  He truly has done it mostly by himself.  We don't check on his grades, his homework and anything else for that matter.  He's self-sufficient.  It's amazing.  
I don't really like the term blessed, although I've used it on a number of occasions.  This would probably be one of those times to use the word blessed for most people, but I think that word means nothing close to the way we use it.  If we didn't have all that we have we would still be blessed.  Today we are fortunate.

I'm sitting on my back porch in my new dumpster chair....which is fantastic and people throw really useful things in the dumpster.  I'm listening to The Heroin Diaries Soundtrack.  I love it.  I can't get enough of it. It's an amazing story of someone who had everything, but had enormous demons that got the best of him for so many years.  The music causes me to pause and think about how someone gets to that point that they are alone with nothing but the very thing that is killing them, yet they don't have the strength to walk away.  How does that happen?  How did we avoid that same fate?  It could have been any of us, but it wasn't.  I'm sure he never set out to be a junky, it just happened.  I look around me and although I'm not living in a mansion in Van Nuys, I still have it all.  I have an amazing husband who fixed dinner for everyone while I went out even though he isn't feeling well.  I have 3 incredible kids and amazing friends.  I drive an awesome little car and have nice things to wear.  I have a college degree.  I still have both my parents and one of my grandmothers.  I have wonderful memories to look back on and a future to look forward to.  It's enough.  Lately I've had a bad attitude about some circumstances that haven't been to my liking.  Tonight I'm deciding to put that behind me and celebrate what I have and persevere towards my goals.

The air is still tonight.  The sky is amazing from my view.  The music is fantastic.  I could sit here forever soaking it all in.  I hope you take some time to soak in where you are tonight....welcome to wherever you are...life is beautiful!

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